@StillWithUs :
If you are so worried that I am posting this anonymously, gosh, write me a private message, ask for my name, ask for my phone number, give me a call if it makes you feel better. Ask for the email adresses of the people who were there. You can have them.
The police made me drop the charge. Thats for pursuing justice and safety through appropriate legal channels. I didn't really want to write about any of this because it was really no ones business, but well, what the hell. That night I was drunk out of my mind and took home one of the Lao boys, who was actually the other guy's cousin. He was cute and good looking but to be honest I do not have a clue as to why I did it, because I didn't that much want to. So if you read the Lonely Planet about Laos and actually manage to remember the important bits- well there's this law against sexual relations between non married Lao and Falang. So as I actually had read that part but forgotten all about it, I endured 3 hours at the police office, being treated like some sl*t, being looked at like some piece of meat and not understanding anything about what I could do, anything about Lao law, because the guy who actually could speak some English wasn't particukarly good at explaining legal matters. I did understand in the end that I could get him into prison for 6 months but would have to stay here 10 days for the trial or whatever, 10 more days of being completely on my own, fighting for something that I really didn't want to be fightng for at that point already. So the other option was to make him pay, which I eventually agreed to because I thought that this might at least hurt him a bit and make him think about doing it again. Only when we went to the „court room“( consisting of some tables and chairs and benches) to settle the whole thing they pulled out charges against me, like some magicians pulling out their rabbits out of the magic hat. They must have just completely forgotten to tell me about that before, but when they finally remembered, they couldn't seem to tell me often enough how you just didn't walk around and f*ck Lao people like that (those words precisely) and how it was such a serious crime. So of course I didn't sign. I didn't want to be the one ending up being prosecuted, so I dropped all my charges. I left feeling that if I was a Samurai I would stick a knife in my stomach because they had made me lose my face so badly.
So, no, I didn't manage to get any kind of retribution. Him, he must have gone home exhilarated . The only one who got punished as in publicly humiliated that day was me, which I really didn't feel was very fair after all the sh*t I had endured the night before.
And before you ask, I do think I made it quite clear that I wasn't exactly as easy as he thought I was and that just because i had had sex with one person didn't mean I would let the rest of the world have a go. I think that became quite clear when I tried to push him out of my room and started punching him and yelling at him and eventually crying and sobbing and pleading when he just grabbed me and tried to take me by force.
And for the locals recommending it: I do not have a clue as to why they did it. I only know they did. I do not have a clue how their legal system works or how their societies work and they have a hard time explaining it. I really don't have any clue in the world.
And thank you very much, I didn' t really know how this all could get any worse, but being called a sociopath, well, I guess this really did the trick. I do think you have a valid point but I really don't understand what makes people lose basic manners just because they are writing on the internet.
I really wish I would have never started this thread just as much as I wished I had never gone to the police. Trust me, I would be so much better for it . And after all, who knows, he might even never target another girl again, maybe he just did that to the sl*t who had it coming.
oh ok and as I see the next questions coming: the short version of how it all happened. because obviously if i dont put out all the details I can only be a troll. We were drinking with some Western and some Laos people and yes, rather excessive drinking and I was flirting with that Lao guy. Then we went to some girls guesthouse, sat around, drank even more, I had the Lao guy giving me massages and then we just disappeared together. We went to my bungalow, which he said was his aunties. On the way we passed some guys sitting around at the guesthouses eating place, smoking and the guy I was with talked to them for a bit. Then we went to my room. Afterwards I just wantd to sleep and be left alone so I asked him to go. I heard him go outside and then talk to some people/some person but didn't think about that, I just thought he was bragging and couldn't be bothered. I really needed the bathroom, so after I he had gone, I got up, grabbed a towel. He was still there and so was another guy. I just said hi and went to have a piss. When I came back only my guy was there. I had a short chat and said good night. I went back to my bungalow, where I had left the door open (as I said, because there was no way to close that door from the outside). I had a torch and I had a weird feeling so I lit up the room and I saw this guy lying on my bed. At that moment I wasnt scared but just annoyd and told him to get out of there. he said it was his place, so he could be wherever hewanted to be and that he'd call the police if I didnt let him. i told him it was my room and i was paying for him and he should just get out. then i just grabbed him and tried to shove him out of the door, but he wouldnt move. i started punching him, but not really strongly, because i still didn't realize that i was actually in a dangerous situation and i jsut wanted him to understand i was being serious. I was just annoyed. It was only when he grabbed my wrists and my towel came off and i started fighting him and found out i was too parallzed to actually really do anything that well i realized i was in the sh*t. so i strated panicking and sobbing and fighting him at the same time, telling him to get out, to get out. but he wouldnt and he didnt let go. and then my friends started banging against my door. so he let go and ran for it. i couldnt open the door, because i was on the floor crying and unable to get up. my friends then ran round the balcony to the back door.
i think i have told all the rest of the story already. this is really my last attempt at being taking serious, but if you are still convinced it is a fake tell me what on earth I should be doing to prove the opposite.
Antworten/Reaktionen:
Sabaidee Lilaia,Thank you very much for the warning. It's shocking and I'm very sorry for your horrible experience. I don't understand why the villagers claim that they can't do much because it's at the village level that decisions are made. Were you able to speak to the nie-bahn or village chief? It's within the town's interest to protect their reputation. But perhaps after your warning (the first I seem to remember on this forum about an attempted sexual assualt by a local Lao), that it may yet get back to Moung Ngoi and they will be forced to confront the situation. I hope.I'll let some of my Luang Prabang friends know since some of the daughters of a Moung Ngoi guesthouse now goes to school in LP.Once again, sorry for your terrible experience and I hope it's taken care of.
Was kind of shocked when I first read this. Just always thought such a thing never happened in Laos. Rape knows no borders - of course. Just seems - to me a male - not a Lao crime. Thank you for your posting lilaia. VERY brave...
Yes, thank you for the info. This indeed an unimaginable crime and this nutter needs to go to jail. I think if you contact the higher up official be it village chief or perhaps your embassy to warning their traveling citizens.
Bummer, if true.But I have to query - troll? First time poster, and it explicitly condemns a single business. If you wanted to hurt this guesthouse, this seems like a cruel and effective ploy.The law, not Thorntree, is where to address such an issue (esp. with the name of the criminal....
And if you're wong about the OP being a troll? Don't you think an sexual assualt or even the attempt of one warrants a warning to other women?
Doesn't sound like a troll.
Just always thought such a thing never happened in Laos.Are you serious?
I think it's a troll ... for what it's worth.
C'mon Hanuman. Because I see the first time post as a potential (and very effective) troll, therefore I support sexual assault? What a silly conclusion... Should I automatically believe this anonymous first time poster merely because the subject is serious?What if 'm right and some troll ruins an innocent person's business? Is this the appropriate forum for anonymous people to ruin people's non-anonymous businesses? Read the last line of his/her post and decide for yourself. I just bring up the possibility that this person is trying to ruin a business (but not pursue justice and safety for others through appropriate legal channels). What - the locals really recommended writing this on Thorn Tree (as opposed to pursuing justice?) If you were an Lao elder or policeman in MNN would you pursue justice and retribution by recommending a post on Thorn Tree? Riiigggggghhhhhht. And, Phil, exactly what do trolls (and sociopaths) sound like? Especially if they're good at it.C'mon Hanuman. Because I see the first time post as a potential (and very effective) troll, therefore I support sexual assault? What a silly conclusion... Should I automatically believe this anonymous first time poster merely because the subject is serious?What if 'm right and some troll ruins an innocent person's business? Is this the appropriate forum for anonymous people to ruin people's non-anonymous businesses? Read the last line of his/her post and decide for yourself. I just bring up the possibility that this person is trying to ruin a business (but not pursue justice and safety for others through appropriate legal channels). What - the locals really recommended writing this on Thorn Tree (as opposed to pursuing justice?) If you were an Lao elder or policeman in MNN would you pursue justice and retribution by recommending a post on Thorn Tree? Riiigggggghhhhhht. And, Phil, exactly what do trolls (and sociopaths) sound like? Especially if they're good at it.C'mon Hanuman. Because I see the first time post as a potential (and very effective) troll, therefore I support sexual assault? What a silly conclusion... Should I automatically believe this anonymous first time poster merely because the subject is serious?What if 'm right and some troll ruins an innocent person's business? Is this the appropriate forum for anonymous people to ruin people's non-anonymous businesses? Read the last line of his/her post and decide for yourself. I just bring up the possibility that this person is trying to ruin a business (but not pursue justice and safety for others through appropriate legal channels). What - the locals really recommended writing this on Thorn Tree (as opposed to pursuing justice?) If you were an Lao elder or policeman in MNN would you pursue justice and retribution by recommending a post on Thorn Tree? Riiigggggghhhhhht. And, Phil, exactly what do trolls (and sociopaths) sound like? Especially if they're good at it.C'mon Hanuman. Because I see the first time post as a potential (and very effective) troll, therefore I support sexual assault? What a silly conclusion... Should I automatically believe this anonymous first time poster merely because the subject is serious?What if 'm right and some troll ruins an innocent person's business? Is this the appropriate forum for anonymous people to ruin people's non-anonymous businesses? Read the last line of his/her post and decide for yourself. I just bring up the possibility that this person is trying to ruin a business (but not pursue justice and safety for others through appropriate legal channels). What - the locals really recommended writing this on Thorn Tree (as opposed to pursuing justice?) If you were an Lao elder or policeman in MNN would you pursue justice and retribution by recommending a post on Thorn Tree? Riiigggggghhhhhht. And, Phil, exactly what do trolls (and sociopaths) sound like? Especially if they're good at it.C'mon Hanuman. Because I see the first time post as a potential (and very effective) troll, therefore I support sexual assault? What a silly conclusion... Should I automatically believe this anonymous first time poster merely because the subject is serious?What if 'm right and some troll ruins an innocent person's business? Is this the appropriate forum for anonymous people to ruin people's non-anonymous businesses? Read the last line of his/her post and decide for yourself. I just bring up the possibility that this person is trying to ruin a business (but not pursue justice and safety for others through appropriate legal channels). What - the locals really recommended writing this on Thorn Tree (as opposed to pursuing justice?) If you were an Lao elder or policeman in MNN would you pursue justice and retribution by recommending a post on Thorn Tree? Riiigggggghhhhhht. And, Phil, exactly what do trolls (and sociopaths) sound like? Especially if they're good at it.
Well lilaia - so it goes. I do beleive you. Buddhism is such an important part of Lao life & I work very hard at trying to make Buddhism a major part of life for me. Can't find a place for this whole thing in my life (I have experiecned death bigtime). Troll you are not. Thanks much for this eye-opener on many levels. Go forward & trust Buddha for your guide...
Why didn't your friends grab him when they nearly kicked your door in and why haven't they identified him?
Now then NormC, no need to get pragmatic.
It just worries me that, what with everyone around her door, that they do not detain the man. She also does not seem to readily identify him and I ask why is that. Was excessive drink involved? I suppose that is why some may think that it is a troll.
Well now we have a lot more facts we can understand the story better. Took a lot of courage to write that!
I think you should have stopped at your prior post to this one! It is just getting crazier each time to add more to it.
"I had the Lao guy giving me massages and then we just disappeared together."Magic.
*this is really my last attempt at being taking serious, but if you are still convinced it is a fake tell me what on earth I should be doing to prove the opposite*We're all anonymous here; no one needs to, or can, prove anything. Our beliefs regarding anyone's truthfulness, or heartfelt emotional effort to heal, is irrelevant. You could be writing fiction - indeed, we all could - or could be seeking solace, revenge, or healing. Seeking out all our deep truths I will leave to Oprah.I mean no offense to the OP, but this is a weird place to seek validation for a violent, harrowing, and unfortunately all too predictable (as the intimate details are revealed), experience.Assuming you are the victim of such an event (and the truth is you may or may not be - and I really can't know, either way), I would recommend counseling with someone other than anonymous Thorn Tree posters like myself or the empathetic mrmookie.
I do feel sorrow for you & yes Thonphan is an as8hole, However, you loose sympathy point with me being a ingenuous naïve foreigner and sex up with the local Lao boy while drunk.I hope you change your life style for a better future.
Dear Lilaia, Please believe me when I say I am truly sorry for your horrific experience. You seem to have the latest victim of the TT Mafia. These are the people who never drink to excess, never have sex with strangers, and basically do nothing wrong at all in their perfect lives. They are also incredibly wise about what you should have done after the event. I appreciate the warning to other people. Thank you.
I had a similar situation but with a Lao Girl who just would not let me out of my room :-)
If questioning authenticity (and no one but the OP has accused anyone of anything) on an anonymous posting at a public forum that does get its share of trolls is defined as abuse, we're all in trouble. I do hope the OP can see the generalized concerns with the nature of anonymous posts that condemn specific businesses or individuals. The contact button at the bottom of the page will get you to a moderator, if any exist anymore.
Dear ribblerat, I'm glad you find rape so amusing. Nice.
Thanks for posting lilaia, your story will help other female travellers. And the fact that you drank too much and took someone back to your room does not mean you invite a sexual assault.ignore the sad old sacks who regualarly drink too much and hang around the internet forums to take shots at people.Please don't have the post removed. It puts them in a bad light not you.
Ah yes beautiful quit pristine muang ngoi...I lived 3 months in the village this summer and there were more people complaining about him. He took 5 medical students for Paris on a tour, they had funding from the university and brought medicines but all were complaining afterwards about him, didn't help them find the village heads, generally disinterested and didn't show up with promised boat. We saw Thongpan's nephew Sai as a tourguide on the forum before (It was a topic called "be careful when choosing a trekking guide in Muang Ngoi!" but I cannot find it anymore, maybe some other member can post the link if it's still there) Shitty this happened to you, altough my sources in Muang Ngoi tell me the whole village was talking about it after you left, everybody knew because Thongpan had been called to Nong Kiau by the police.
the fact that you drank too much and took someone back to your room does not mean you invite a sexual assault" Absolutely true. But it is pushing the bounds of good judgement, and it does set one up to be the victim of a violent crime. Having money hanging out of one's pocket doesn't excuse robbery, but it sure lures the criminal.Mix it all up with the complexities of cross-cultural interactions and interpretations of flirting behaviors only fuels the potential for misunderstandings (esp. among the very drunk). Add to the soup the fact that western women in most conservative countries and cultures are often perceived (albeit inappropriately) as loose and available (especially when wearing short shorts or a tank-top, or no bra). Like it or not, that's how many western women, in their innocence and naivete, are perceived world-wide, and a wise traveler should be aware of cultural perceptions, the misinterpretation of flirting behaviors, and "playing with the line" between friendship and sexual innuendo. The lilyprincesses of the world may be shocked to find out that culturally, perhaps, the elders of MNN may have seen this as the inevitable outcome of western lack of morals and proper behavior on the part of the woman involved. I'm not in any way agreeing with the elders, but I do acknowlegde that flirting and sex, esp involving westerners, is perceived exceedingly differently in non-western cultures. No excuse for the criminal - absolutely. But I might guess that the locals perceived the event differently than how we in the west might perceive the crime.Lots of warnings to gleen in this tragic story.
Stillwithus, I could do without your blasé and cynical comments. You can't judge the difference between a real and a fake story but you post like you know it all. Anyway. Thongpan is an asshole. Your friends should have kicked the shit out of him.
Your bombed out of your mind and engaging in sex with locals all the while you are in a bungelow as a single female in the middle of the night in a developing country in a remote village that has a door that does not lock?Your friends fail to hold and seek authorities, and got to police and let it all slide in the end. But, you come to this forum and tell half a story, then the whole story, then hope this warning should be heeded by other women traveling to this area, and guesthouse?Thanks for the heads up, but I think you need to exercise more caution in your sexual romps while in developing countries, thank god you were not drugged, or worse kidnapped and sold into the sex slave trade.
*I could do without your cynical comments*Then don't read them. Sheeesh. *You can't judge the difference between a real and a fake story*Exactly. Troll, or not? Truth as in the original post? Or truth as shaded by the facts that are slowly fed to us? You and I are both just wasting time on the sidelines, commenting on what little we know. Sure, bust his head. That'll keep the horny, drunk and mislead criminals honest....
We may not even be getting the whole story, I wonder of the poster paid the local "cute boy" in any way....were drugs involved? It just is such blatant I could of, I should of, would of story....
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